For Parents

Sexuality is a normal, healthy aspect of everyone’s life.
However, most parents are just not comfortable talking about it with their children.

Parents can help children with their normal sexual development by showing that these topics can be discussed within the family.

Be Open—Be the Expert—Be Accessible—Be Trusting—Stay Calm—Ask Open Ended Questions—Listen to your Child—Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes—Appeal to Common Goals—Show Your Interest
Children will learn to respect their own thoughts, feelings, intuition and bodies when families respect children as people who have value. Talking to children with respect; handling their bodies with care; and giving attention to their needs for affection, comfort and guidance are the best tools a child can have to make good choices about themselves and others.

Children should be taught that there are parts of their bodies that they are not expected to share.
Teach children about privacy-that they have the right to private time, private space, private thoughts, and private belongings.

Children benefit from very specific information about their bodies.
In the same way we would want to explain the correct names and function for their eyes, hearts, and bones, children need accurate labels for their sexual parts. From the earliest age, they need to know:
- Girls have a vulva where all of their sexual parts are located
- Boys and girls have a urethra where their urine comes out
- Girls have a uterus where babies are made and grow inside women
- Girls have a vagina which is the opening in their bodies leading to their uterus
- Boys have a penis from which their urine comes out
- Boys have testicles where semen is stored
- Boys and girls have an anus or rectum where bowel movements come out
- Girls and boys have nipples and breasts

Children need to know that for moms and dads to make a baby, the dad’s semen comes through his penis into the mom’s uterus.
They need to know how a penis gets into a vagina, what wet dreams are, ejaculation, orgasm, and how diseases are sexually transmitted.

Parents can give bits and pieces of information as your child ages, starting from when the children are toddlers all the way into their adolescence, as your child is ready for it.

Teenagers really want guidance from their parents about sex and sexuality. If parents have not given their children guidance by mid teen years, it may be too late to impact behavior.
Parents need to send clear messages to their kids about when, in their opinion, it is appropriate to have sex. If their teenager does decide to have sex, it is vital that parents express how important it is to protect themselves, and their partners, from pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and emotional hurt.

Studies have shown that teenagers want their parents to remain open and calm when talking about sex.
Parental openness, responsiveness, comfort, and confidence in discussions about sex and related issues are associated with lower levels of adolescent sexual risk behavior.

Also, when youth perceive that it is easy to find time to talk with their parents and that their parents are not too busy to talk to them, they report higher levels of communication about sex and lower rates of sexual behavior. Be curious about your teen’s ideas and opinions.

Talk to your Child about experiencing many body changes when they get to be in Junior High (or even earlier for some)
- They will grow hair on their bodies and private parts
- Girls get breast budding and menstruate
- Boys’ testicles drop
- They have more sexual thoughts and feelings

Children also need to know that some adults and bigger children, even people in their own families who they love, may try to be sexual with them.
They need to know that the person is not acting in a right way, and the child should tell you about it. Parents can give examples:
- If anyone shows you pictures of people without their clothes
- If anyone asks you to touch their penis/vulva
- If anyone wants to kiss you and you don’t want them to

Children need to know what to do if these crimes happen:
- Try to say no
- If you can, get away
- Tell someone you trust right away
- Keep telling different people until you get help
- And even if you were not able to tell about it before, it’s okay to tell now

References:
- Santilli, Gail. Talking to Your Children About Sex. Pamphlet published by The New Mexico Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.
- Johnson, Jennifer, MD. Opening the Channels for The Sex Talk With Your Teenager. Science Daily. February 26, 2002.
- Guilamo-Ramos, Vincent Ph.D., Bouris, Alida, MSW. Parent-Adolescent Communication about Sex in Latino Families: A Guide for Practitioners. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. January 2008.